Going up, going down

I am living some fairly normal life events, things that people in stable civilised countries encounter throughout life.

I feel that I have adequate skills and knowledge to allow me to face them with resignation and patience, and get through them.

I am becoming aware of what other people find to say about it when I share the info about my life events. I also wonder how I respond to people who tell me about their troubles.

I am becoming very tired by the jolly up people who believe that I will benefit from being told empty platitudes, and although I know that platitudes can be the oil that allows other more fruitful conversations to get going, I know that sometimes they just the whole thing down.

The scariest one so far is the " things can only get better now", I guess I am somewhat pessimistic in nature, but even allowing for that if you thought for even a minute before you may realise that there are many and various bad things that can result from where I am now, and when I report back from living through those events how awful is it going to be to get that conversation going.

Clouds Drifting

I have entered a new place in life recently, and although I can't guarantee that I shall stay here it has a great deal of novelty.

I am committing myself to meeting new people, inviting them round, arranging to spend mornings out with them, going round for lunch, feeding them my very own cooking.

Now I am aware that very many other people manage this without a second thought and thrive on it, and no I haven't been a hermit for most of my life. But I have been a bit shy, and a bit scared that I wont be any good at it, and that people wont actually like me, or will get food poisoning from my food, or that the conversation will dry up and there will be .... awkward silences........................................

But here I am , having a go, doing something new and trying out being a more confident and sociable person, as if I felt sure that people would like my company and enjoy hanging out with me, and mostly it seems that that is true.

Wow.

I wonder if the sock knitting had anything to do with it.

Possibly my recent stint of personal therapy has increased my self acceptance or something, or possibly I am just acting like the persona I want to be , or that person I am really underneath the insecurities. Dunno.

Leave me wondering what I should try out next.

While the cat is away.

Just waved him off, he's gone camping at a bike rally. The raison d'etre for this one is bikers with a disability. Looks like they'll either get blown away or suffer flooding. But the music should be good, and there will be beer.

He has agreed to get a t shirt for our friend (the one who had the major stroke), who wants the one which says "I only did it for the parking space". Which may make me wince a bit, but shows how grieving and adjusting and all that stuff is done in a unique way by everyone.

Reflecting on the disability theme I wonder how the weekend will pan out, as the companion was appearing rather wired, buzzin' most unpleasantly and getting very vehement that he could fix himself and he wasn't going to go to his doctors to get help with his psychosomatic seizures...he could sort himself out. I guess I agree with him to a degree, he probably is the only person who can help himself, but I wonder how successful he will be trying to do it alone.

I wonder if I too believe that deep down, that I'm perfectly able to sort out my own problems all by myself, or would I prefer someone to come and fix things for me? Perhaps that's another tribal demarcation right there. The people who think they can solve everything all alone and don't need any ones help versus the people who would rather leave it to everyone else to fix it for them