This weekend I actually managed to spend some time doing something 'worthwhile'. Although I have been away from paid work work for nearly six weeks I was forced to look back and reflect that I'd pissed it away mostly.
How did that happen.
I was talking to the therapist and a phrase came to mind of not getting pudding till the main course is finished. That has contributed in spades. There are still all those things that I should do but can't be bothered, and until they are done I don't allow myself to go and do the good things that are fun and make me feel that time has been well spent.
Soon I am due to go and discuss returning to paid work and how that can be facilitated. I fear I may be overly ready for this. Which way will it go? Mealy mouthed platitudes or crash and burn honesty. I have done plenty of both in the past and either one is quite tempting, but what will get me closer to my career goals? They stand at 'being left alone' so it's probably academic which one will get me there.
I watched a man stand aloof and watch his sons do colouring and sticking today. He wouldn't sit down with them for the first 10 minutes and then he looked pained and didn't join in. Will he remember that one day and wish it had been otherwise.?
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